French men, dating in Paris… There’s probably nothing
I know more about. And still they manage to surprise me time and time again.
French men are generally considered romantic and gentlemen. Are they? Certainly,
but that’s not the whole truth. And why do we still care so much about them?
Close to Valentine’s Day and it’s everywhere.
Stores, cafés, metro stations, at the gym, even my Spotify wants me to play “la
playlist des amoureux” (which I’m, of course, listening to while writing
this..). Last year I was happy in couple and spent a wonderful Valentine’s Day.
This year I’m happy being single and, to be honest, quite disappointed with how
the French men have behaved lately. But I’m planning to spend a wonderful
Valentine’s Day anyway.
Those who have seen the film “Valentine’s Day”,
you remember how Kara (Jessica Biel) throws an “I hate Valentine’s Day”- party?
One program at the party is to take a mallet and hit a stuffed heart shaped
decoration with it until the feathers fly and the whole thing falls apart. Julia
(Jennifer Garner) shows a brilliant example on how to extract your men-related
aggressions in a healthy way. Unfortunately I will not be in Paris tomorrow
night to organize a party so this post will have to do: For all my girls who
share my opinion that being single is so much better then being with wrong
guys: Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!
I came across this article (beyond many others
on the same topic) in Marie Claire. It's about
top 10 romantic places in Paris.
Have a look. 10 best romantic places in Paris
Traditional spots like the Eiffel Tower, Pont des Arts, a walk at Jardin de Luxembourg,
Montmartre with Sacré Coeur steps and a view over Paris. The Square du Vert Galant,
a quiet corner in the end of Ile de la Cité, is absolutely a must. But what is
Champs Elysées doing on the list? Sure a shopping tour can be a nice part of a
romantic stay in Paris but if a man really wanted to impress me, he should take
me to rue Saint Honoré instead.
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| Square du Vert Galant |
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| From Montmartre |
Why is this interesting? Because do the French
really go on dates or are these tips only for tourists visiting our
beautiful city? We had a big debate about this subject at school the other day,
the dating culture in France vs in other countries. My friend S who is French
and just came home from an exchange semester from Gothenburg started saying
that what was impressing in Sweden is that people date. What she heard or
experienced is that for a month or even two you can meet over a “fika” (a cup
of coffee with something sweet to eat), or probably have dinner or drinks. That’s
how you get to know the other person, no pressure, nothing too serious. And then
you decide if you want something more or not. S was surprised about this,
casual dating can be so much fun. And what did she think of Swedish guys? They
were sweet but she said that the Scandinavians could be a bit more gentlemen,
she likes when a guy chases her to get her on a date.
It was long time ago when I went on dates in
Finland and I was really young back then but generally it is a lot like in
Sweden. What S said illustrates perfectly an other cultural difference that is
the behavior of girls. In the Nordic countries girls are taught to be independent
and go for what they want. Something me and my Finnish friends have learnt by
now is that in France a girl should never make the first move. If she does, she
is considered a “fille facile” and the guy doesn’t want anything to do with her
anymore. Asking a man out is just not something you should do, and it is hard
to accept.
On the other hand, you never really know what you should
do here. Everything is a game, and who knows how to play, wins. And we are so
tired of that. I will never forget when my friend E started to study law and
her law book started with this idea: ”En mariage trompe qui peut mais en droit
des affaires il y a certaines règles à respecter”. Last week I got a text from
I guy I was supposed to go on a date with, saying: “Je préfère te prévenir que
je ne suis pas célibataire. Mais de nos jours, ce n’est qu’un détail”. Or
E’s favorite French proverb: “Ce n’est pas parce que tu as choisi ton plat que
tu ne peux pas regarder le menu”. The list could go on and on. Lesson learned: never trust a French man. We so miss the honest and straightforward
Finns.
Back to casual dating and to France… S said
that she has never been on a real date in France. The casual dating phase does
not really exist, it’s a relationship right away. And, in my experience (and
many of my friends), it doesn’t last. Me and my friends noticed this a while ago
already. So often guys will be like “oh just come to my place”, instead of
taking the girl out on a real date. And it’s not cool because girls love
romantic dates! Besides, in Paris dating should be easy. As these
articles show, there’s always something to do and the city is full of romantic
spots.
The non-dating is not always true though
because me and my friends (especially me and E), we fight against this. We
insist on going on dates and try to change the French mentality. Altogether
with E we have been on so many dates with so many French guys that we can call
ourselves experts. And I have to admit, occasionally they have even made an effort. Here
comes my personal favorites:
- Once with my ex-boyfriend we climbed up to
the Eiffel Tower late in the evening when there was no one else there, it was
amazing.
- I’ve had dinner at Café Marly, overlooking
the Louvre pyramid and lunch in the garden of Hotel Costes, both on a first
date.
- One guy even took me to the theater on a
first date, that was great! He also wanted to go on a hot air balloon tour with
me but that never happened…
- One sunny Sunday afternoon last summer I had
a date by the Canal St. Martin. There is a bar where you can have your drink to
go, in a plastic cup. So we did that and sat by the canal for hours, drinking
wine and enjoying the sun. I’ve also been to a Canal St. Martin cruise. With fewer
tourists than on the Seine cruises the ambiance was quite lovely.
- Paris Plage every summer, even if it’s a
cliché, is a perfect spot for a romantic date. There are bars with terraces
where you can sip champagne in a chaise longue and then imagine that you’re
walking hand in hand on a real beach. It’s not like in the south but the best
we can do in Paris.
- Paris is also full of beautiful parks. My
favorite is the garden of Musée Rodin. Go there on a date and you’ll soon
forget about the actual museum (which is nice as well I think). There’s also
Jardin des Tuileries with a Tivoli for a couple of weeks every summer.
One guy took me there on a date once and it was so much fun. Not to mention “La
grande roue de Paris”, the Ferris wheel overlooking all the Paris. My friend R’s
boyfriend – now husband – proposed to her there on the top (Note: he’s not
French, that must be why he’s such a romantic).
- And I have to mention the countless scooter
rides around Paris by night. I could never get tired of that. However, I have
to get my own scooter (mint green vintage Vespa) soon so that I don’t depend on
men anymore….
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| Vue from la Tour Eiffel |
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| Café Marly |
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| Hôtel Costes |
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| Canal Saint Martin |
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| Musée Rodin |
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| La Grande Roue |
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| What we do here every day ;) |
If we are looking for the ultimate, number one
romantic date in Paris, I think E beats me in this. Once on a date this guy took
her to a rooftop to watch Paris and the stars and then he kissed her for the
first time. If anything, that is romantic. But E says that besides that and
some lovely moments by the Seine, the illuminated Eiffel Tower in the
background, there is nothing romantic about the Parisians. Hmm, not too
optimistic.
I read some other articles as well with tips
for lovers in Paris and for romantic walks they always suggest the Marais
neighborhood, Montmartre, Canal St.Martin and of course the Seine. Been there,
done that and yes I especially love walks along the Seine, who wouldn’t? Four
years ago when I had just come here, me and my friend S had a competition over
who would be the first one of us to be kissed on a bridge of Seine. She won but
I came close after.
For those who are like me and E, already been
on several dates in Paris, here’s another list I found:
The only one I’ve done is number 6: “Vin chaud on the Seine” so much still left
for future dates…
Oh and I found a third one that is nice:
Surprise,
written just before Valentine’s Day...
I agree, Paris sounds perfect. But what has all
this given us? Lovely moments, sweet memories. Me and many friends of mine
ask ourselves the same question: why does it never last? Why is it so hard to
find true love and serious relationships here?
I don’t know. My friend C (hmm
and also J) keep saying that I have to lower my standards and expectations if I want to
find a decent guy. But I’m not too difficult, am I? I only require that 1) he is
tall, 2) he is ambitious and passionate about something, 3) he has his own
apartment, 4) he treats me well and 5) he does not vanish into thin air as soon
as I start having feelings for him. Is that too much to ask?
But one thing is sure. We’re all (okay not all
but almost) in the same misery. And it brings us together and keeps us tight to
each other. Endless talking, texting, crying and laughing over men. In the end
the conclusion is: we’re better off alone. And when yet another French guy
turns out to be a jerk, the good thing is that there will always be more of
them, the next one is already waiting around the corner and here we go again.
I’m so happy to have you all, my girls. You
remind me again that in Finland Valentine’s Day is called “Friend's Day”. Friendship
is more important than any boy could ever be. Although I hope that we all one
day will find the one, the one who’s the most important of all. As for me though,
I doubt he will be French because I think I’ve gotten enough. Feel free to surprise
me and prove that I’m wrong!
So Valentine’s Day and single, you choose what
you’re going to do with it:
Me: I’ll spend the day at school with my new
friends (I’m so happy that I’ve gotten to know you this year) and my old
friends (I’m so happy that you’re back in Paris). Then I’ll hop on a plane with
my two little loved ones, F and I, and finally in the evening I’ll be with my
family. Not a bad plan I say.
S: “All my friends are either in couple or gone
somewhere for holidays. Even my family will abandon me for a week so I will
spend Valentine’s Day with my grandparents”. Why not...
E: She seriously considered flying to the south
of France to spend Valentine’s Day with a guy she met at a party last week (and who
immediately invited her to his place in the south, where’s the casual dating
phase again?). But now, she’s sick in bed and hasn’t heard anything from
the guy so I guess she’s not going there after all. I just spoke to her to have
her opinion for this post and she said, I quote: “I don’t hate all the French
guys! I mean, I hate everyone except one”. Right. I hope she will get to be
with this special one, one day.
And J: Well she’s going to watch Olympic ice
hockey on TV!
Hyvää Ystävänpäivää – Happy Friend’s Day!
Lot's of love,
xoxo: Emi
Ps. Speaking of heart shaped candies, I haven't been eating any candy after the new year, which means for exactly 44 days now - quite an achievement for me! So... Since I've done a good training series these past four days (attack - running - combat - attack) I think I could take a little break, enjoy a lazy couple of days in Finland and have some Finnish (okay Swedish) sweets that I love. After all, it's Valentine's Day.
Pps. Don't take this post too seriously. There are always exceptions, luckily. ;)
