My anti-Valentine's post

French men, dating in Paris… There’s probably nothing I know more about. And still they manage to surprise me time and time again. French men are generally considered romantic and gentlemen. Are they? Certainly, but that’s not the whole truth. And why do we still care so much about them?

Close to Valentine’s Day and it’s everywhere. Stores, cafés, metro stations, at the gym, even my Spotify wants me to play “la playlist des amoureux” (which I’m, of course, listening to while writing this..). Last year I was happy in couple and spent a wonderful Valentine’s Day. This year I’m happy being single and, to be honest, quite disappointed with how the French men have behaved lately. But I’m planning to spend a wonderful Valentine’s Day anyway. 

Those who have seen the film “Valentine’s Day”, you remember how Kara (Jessica Biel) throws an “I hate Valentine’s Day”- party? One program at the party is to take a mallet and hit a stuffed heart shaped decoration with it until the feathers fly and the whole thing falls apart. Julia (Jennifer Garner) shows a brilliant example on how to extract your men-related aggressions in a healthy way. Unfortunately I will not be in Paris tomorrow night to organize a party so this post will have to do: For all my girls who share my opinion that being single is so much better then being with wrong guys: Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!

I came across this article (beyond many others on the same topic) in Marie Claire. It's about top 10 romantic places in Paris. 

Have a look. 10 best romantic places in Paris 

Traditional spots like the Eiffel Tower, Pont des Arts, a walk at Jardin de Luxembourg, Montmartre with Sacré Coeur steps and a view over Paris. The Square du Vert Galant, a quiet corner in the end of Ile de la Cité, is absolutely a must. But what is Champs Elysées doing on the list? Sure a shopping tour can be a nice part of a romantic stay in Paris but if a man really wanted to impress me, he should take me to rue Saint Honoré instead. 

Square du Vert Galant

From Montmartre

Why is this interesting? Because do the French really go on dates or are these tips only for tourists visiting our beautiful city? We had a big debate about this subject at school the other day, the dating culture in France vs in other countries. My friend S who is French and just came home from an exchange semester from Gothenburg started saying that what was impressing in Sweden is that people date. What she heard or experienced is that for a month or even two you can meet over a “fika” (a cup of coffee with something sweet to eat), or probably have dinner or drinks. That’s how you get to know the other person, no pressure, nothing too serious. And then you decide if you want something more or not. S was surprised about this, casual dating can be so much fun. And what did she think of Swedish guys? They were sweet but she said that the Scandinavians could be a bit more gentlemen, she likes when a guy chases her to get her on a date.

It was long time ago when I went on dates in Finland and I was really young back then but generally it is a lot like in Sweden. What S said illustrates perfectly an other cultural difference that is the behavior of girls. In the Nordic countries girls are taught to be independent and go for what they want. Something me and my Finnish friends have learnt by now is that in France a girl should never make the first move. If she does, she is considered a “fille facile” and the guy doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore. Asking a man out is just not something you should do, and it is hard to accept. 

On the other hand, you never really know what you should do here. Everything is a game, and who knows how to play, wins. And we are so tired of that. I will never forget when my friend E started to study law and her law book started with this idea: ”En mariage trompe qui peut mais en droit des affaires il y a certaines règles à respecter”. Last week I got a text from I guy I was supposed to go on a date with, saying: “Je préfère te prévenir que je ne suis pas célibataire. Mais de nos jours, ce n’est qu’un détail”. Or E’s favorite French proverb: “Ce n’est pas parce que tu as choisi ton plat que tu ne peux pas regarder le menu”. The list could go on and on. Lesson learned: never trust a French man. We so miss the honest and straightforward Finns. 

Back to casual dating and to France… S said that she has never been on a real date in France. The casual dating phase does not really exist, it’s a relationship right away. And, in my experience (and many of my friends), it doesn’t last. Me and my friends noticed this a while ago already. So often guys will be like “oh just come to my place”, instead of taking the girl out on a real date. And it’s not cool because girls love romantic dates! Besides, in Paris dating should be easy. As these articles show, there’s always something to do and the city is full of romantic spots. 

The non-dating is not always true though because me and my friends (especially me and E), we fight against this. We insist on going on dates and try to change the French mentality. Altogether with E we have been on so many dates with so many French guys that we can call ourselves experts. And I have to admit, occasionally they have even made an effort. Here comes my personal favorites:

- Once with my ex-boyfriend we climbed up to the Eiffel Tower late in the evening when there was no one else there, it was amazing.

- I’ve had dinner at Café Marly, overlooking the Louvre pyramid and lunch in the garden of Hotel Costes, both on a first date.

- One guy even took me to the theater on a first date, that was great! He also wanted to go on a hot air balloon tour with me but that never happened…

- One sunny Sunday afternoon last summer I had a date by the Canal St. Martin. There is a bar where you can have your drink to go, in a plastic cup. So we did that and sat by the canal for hours, drinking wine and enjoying the sun. I’ve also been to a Canal St. Martin cruise. With fewer tourists than on the Seine cruises the ambiance was quite lovely.

- Paris Plage every summer, even if it’s a cliché, is a perfect spot for a romantic date. There are bars with terraces where you can sip champagne in a chaise longue and then imagine that you’re walking hand in hand on a real beach. It’s not like in the south but the best we can do in Paris.

- Paris is also full of beautiful parks. My favorite is the garden of Musée Rodin. Go there on a date and you’ll soon forget about the actual museum (which is nice as well I think). There’s also Jardin des Tuileries with a Tivoli for a couple of weeks every summer. One guy took me there on a date once and it was so much fun. Not to mention “La grande roue de Paris”, the Ferris wheel overlooking all the Paris. My friend R’s boyfriend – now husband – proposed to her there on the top (Note: he’s not French, that must be why he’s such a romantic).

- And I have to mention the countless scooter rides around Paris by night. I could never get tired of that. However, I have to get my own scooter (mint green vintage Vespa) soon so that I don’t depend on men anymore….

Vue from la Tour Eiffel

Café Marly

Hôtel Costes

Canal Saint Martin

Musée Rodin

La Grande Roue

What we do here every day ;)

If we are looking for the ultimate, number one romantic date in Paris, I think E beats me in this. Once on a date this guy took her to a rooftop to watch Paris and the stars and then he kissed her for the first time. If anything, that is romantic. But E says that besides that and some lovely moments by the Seine, the illuminated Eiffel Tower in the background, there is nothing romantic about the Parisians. Hmm, not too optimistic.

I read some other articles as well with tips for lovers in Paris and for romantic walks they always suggest the Marais neighborhood, Montmartre, Canal St.Martin and of course the Seine. Been there, done that and yes I especially love walks along the Seine, who wouldn’t? Four years ago when I had just come here, me and my friend S had a competition over who would be the first one of us to be kissed on a bridge of Seine. She won but I came close after. 

For those who are like me and E, already been on several dates in Paris, here’s another list I found:

10 Romantic (and Sexy) Things to Do In Paris 

The only one I’ve done is number 6: “Vin chaud on the Seine” so much still left for future dates… 

Oh and I found a third one that is nice: 

Paris, mon amour 

Surprise, written just before Valentine’s Day...

I agree, Paris sounds perfect. But what has all this given us? Lovely moments, sweet memories. Me and many friends of mine ask ourselves the same question: why does it never last? Why is it so hard to find true love and serious relationships here? 

I don’t know. My friend C (hmm and also J) keep saying that I have to lower my standards and expectations if I want to find a decent guy. But I’m not too difficult, am I? I only require that 1) he is tall, 2) he is ambitious and passionate about something, 3) he has his own apartment, 4) he treats me well and 5) he does not vanish into thin air as soon as I start having feelings for him. Is that too much to ask?

But one thing is sure. We’re all (okay not all but almost) in the same misery. And it brings us together and keeps us tight to each other. Endless talking, texting, crying and laughing over men. In the end the conclusion is: we’re better off alone. And when yet another French guy turns out to be a jerk, the good thing is that there will always be more of them, the next one is already waiting around the corner and here we go again.

I’m so happy to have you all, my girls. You remind me again that in Finland Valentine’s Day is called “Friend's Day”. Friendship is more important than any boy could ever be. Although I hope that we all one day will find the one, the one who’s the most important of all. As for me though, I doubt he will be French because I think I’ve gotten enough. Feel free to surprise me and prove that I’m wrong!

So Valentine’s Day and single, you choose what you’re going to do with it:

Me: I’ll spend the day at school with my new friends (I’m so happy that I’ve gotten to know you this year) and my old friends (I’m so happy that you’re back in Paris). Then I’ll hop on a plane with my two little loved ones, F and I, and finally in the evening I’ll be with my family. Not a bad plan I say.

S: “All my friends are either in couple or gone somewhere for holidays. Even my family will abandon me for a week so I will spend Valentine’s Day with my grandparents”. Why not...

E: She seriously considered flying to the south of France to spend Valentine’s Day with a guy she met at a party last week (and who immediately invited her to his place in the south, where’s the casual dating phase again?). But now, she’s sick in bed and hasn’t heard anything from the guy so I guess she’s not going there after all. I just spoke to her to have her opinion for this post and she said, I quote: “I don’t hate all the French guys! I mean, I hate everyone except one”. Right. I hope she will get to be with this special one, one day. 

And J: Well she’s going to watch Olympic ice hockey on TV!

Hyvää Ystävänpäivää – Happy Friend’s Day! 

Lot's of love,

xoxo: Emi

Ps. Speaking of heart shaped candies, I haven't been eating any candy after the new year, which means for exactly 44 days now - quite an achievement for me! So... Since I've done a good training series these past four days (attack - running - combat - attack) I think I could take a little break, enjoy a lazy couple of days in Finland and have some Finnish (okay Swedish) sweets that I love. After all, it's Valentine's Day. 

Pps. Don't take this post too seriously. There are always exceptions, luckily. ;)